So you have taken the quiz and you now have the results! You may have mixed feelings, you might have feelings of nervousness or excitement. In this blog post, I am going to talk through how you can read and understand the results and take necessary action and follow up.
Understanding the Purpose of the Quiz
Before diving into the results, it’s essential for couples to understand the quiz’s purpose and why they are taking the quiz. The Song of Songs Quiz is designed to highlight common interests and preferences in various aspects of intimacy, from emotional to physical connection. The quiz helps facilitate couples to communicate openly about their desires and expectations, fostering a deeper understanding of each other. Approaching the quiz with a mindset of discovery rather than critique can set a positive tone for the discussion. So now might be a great time to pray about this as a couple and how you can build one another up and serve one another as you reflect upon the results. Invite God’s guidance to ensure the discussion is filled with love, respect, and understanding.
Setting the Scene for Discussion
Choosing the right time and place to review the quiz results is crucial. Opt for a setting that is private, comfortable, and free from distractions. This could be a cosy evening at home or a peaceful outdoor spot. Make sure both of you are relaxed and have an open state of mind.
Reviewing the Results Together
When it comes to discussing the results, celebrate the areas where you match as they can represent strengths of your relationship and new opportunities to discover as a couple. For instance, if both partners enjoy certain romantic activities or share similar views on emotional intimacy, acknowledging these can boost mutual appreciation and affection. It’s equally important to approach differing interests with curiosity rather than judgement. Use these as opportunities to learn more about each other and explore new ways to connect. If there was something that you voted yes for but your partner did not vote for that item, it can still be helpful to bring this up with your partner if you wish to find out why your partner feels the way they do.
Communicating with Compassion
Effective communication is key to a successful discussion. Listen actively to your partner’s thoughts and feelings, and express your own views with honesty and kindness. Avoid making assumptions or interrupting each other. If a topic feels sensitive or challenging, take a break if needed and return to it later with a calm and open heart. Remember, the goal is not to agree on everything but to understand each other’s perspectives and find ways to grow together. If the quiz has exposed significant differences that are difficult to reconcile, it might be a good idea to talk to a Christian marriage counsellor. On our counsellors page we also make recommendations.
Creating an Action Plan
Finally, use the insights gained from the quiz to create an action plan. Identify specific activities or practices that can enhance your intimacy or sexual bond. This might include setting aside regular date nights, exploring new hobbies together, or committing to regular, open conversations about your relationship. Keep in mind that building a deeper connection is an ongoing process, requiring patience, effort, and a willingness to adapt and grow together. Although you may be excited to try new things, remember you don’t need to do everything at once. Do things at a speed that is mutually agreeable so that no one feels rushed.
Following up
It’s important to regularly follow up with one another and get feedback. Some good questions to ask each other include:
- How did you feel doing X?
- What did you enjoy the most about X?
- Was there anything that made you uncomfortable about X?
- Did it meet your expectations and should we continue doing X?
- How did doing X affect your sense of intimacy and connection?
- Did any parts of X surprise you?
- Did you feel safe and respected doing X?
- How could I or we do X better next time?
Remember the quiz results are not a permission slip and people are allowed to change their preferences. So always be listening and respectful. You might also want to do the quiz again or even schedule it in once a year or at at a time that works for you. If you started with level 1, you might wish to try level 2, if level 2 is right for you. Please see our mini quiz here to help you select the right level.
By approaching the results with an open heart, communicating with compassion, and committing to ongoing growth, couples can deepen their connection and build a more fulfilling relationship.
