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A blog post has been written which provides a good guide on how to best work through the results. Please check this out here. This is also mentioned at the top of the results page.
No you don’t, and if you don’t answer a question this is the equivalent of a no answer. But I recommend answering every question just so you can ensure you complete all the questions.
If you don’t answer no, then your answer is the equivalent of a yes. This means if you answer “yes but I want less” that will be considered a match if your partner answers just “yes” and your partner will see that you want less as well. However some categories like communication and intimacy questions will show if just one partner answers yes.
Great question! Respecting your privacy and data has been absolutely integral in every step of the design and development of this website. There are 3 key initiatives I have taken to achieve this result:
Reducing personally identifiable information: This website asks for the bare minimum information to make things work and I don’t ask for a penny more. The only information I ask for is your name, and for your peace of mind, I recommend using a pseudonym or using the default “husband” or “wife” if you want to make things even more bullet-proof. I don’t ask for any email addresses, phone numbers or anything else that a ‘normal’ website would ask. The reason I ask for your name is to help personalise the quiz. Because the Bible is steadfast that sex should remain between a husband and wife, I wanted to re-iterate in the questions your partners name to help reinforce this principle.
Protecting your data from me: But let’s say that you do want to use your real name. Well no problem, because I have made the website so secure that even if I wanted to, I could not even identify you or your answers if I tried. Frankly, even if I could, how would I know whether you are the Bob and Mary in my mind anyway! This is because your names, the questions you have hidden and your answers are all encrypted in the database with the highest strength encryption available (AES-256). The key to this encryption is stored in the query strings passed along in your session on the site. This unique key is stored nowhere else. This also means that if someone was to hack the database and take all the data, they can’t see your names and they can’t see your answers or anything else that might be sensitive. The below screenshots are from the backend and database showing this encryption in action:
Every entry has a unique identifier so this prevents others accessing your session. The reason I have made this so secure is I wanted to make a tool where people at my church could use this tool without any fear of me or anyone else snooping on their data. But as I said, if you are super paranoid about this, just use a pseudonym.
Lastly, in addition to all the above measures, the website automatically and fully deletes all your data after 14 days, or earlier if you nominate this. So you will notice after 2 weeks (or less) that your result link will no longer work.
Protecting your information from your partner: Whilst I encourage everyone to be as open and honest with their partner as possible, I have also taken measures to ensure that your partner can’t view all your specific answers. Of course your partner will get an insight into your answers from the results data where you have things in common.
Important note: Please ensure if you are on a computer or device that can be accessed by anyone else other than you and your partner, that you do the quiz in a private or incognito window (further instructions here). Or alternatively, after you have discussed your results, clear your browser history (further instructions here).
Firstly great effort has been spent ensuring that the questions, although they may not be to everyone’s taste, are within the bounds of acceptable conduct as set out in the Bible. That is, the acts take place between a husband and wife only with consent. This means no pornography, involving no one except the husband and wife and in accordance with laws set out by the state. Acts that may cause unhelpful temptations (like some role playing and BDSM acts), acts that may demean or humiliate a partner or promote gender fluidity have been removed.
Secondly, by providing the means for one of the partners, a church leader or professional to review the questions before the quiz is taken means personal sensitivities and boundaries, denomination rules or customs can be respected. This makes the quiz inclusive to people from different backgrounds.
The quiz is not suitable for all couples. So we assess suitability before couples take the quiz to ensure the couple is not exposed to concepts or ideas that are not helpful to their marriage. The quiz itself has been formulated with the assistance of sexologists, Christian marriage counsellors and church leaders.
The quiz is presented without pornographic imagery and has suitable content warnings. Wording has been censored and the use of slang terms has been minimised.
It’s not just a quiz, but Christian-specific resource recommendations are provided to help Christian couples further enhance their marriage. This includes our resources and counsellors.
It depends on how many questions are removed or what preset is taken. However if no questions are removed, the quiz usually takes 30-60 minutes per a person (there are currently 182 questions so you can do the maths). Because there’s quite a lot of questions covering a broad amount of areas, it can be a good idea to not do all the questions in one go, and rather do a specific level or category of interest. So that way you can take your time and discuss the results without feeling overburdened.
The quiz includes the following categories:
However you don’t have to do all categories if you don’t want to!
You can click the “Add Comment” link under the answer options to add more context or information about your answer. Please ensure you still select an answer though, otherwise your comment may never be seen as it may not match with your partner.
Yes. On the get started page, just select “Two Devices” as the mode, and you will receive 2 separate links so you can do the quiz on 2 separate devices.
This quiz is designed for married Christian couples only. The quiz is designed for those over 18 years or age due to the sexual nature of the text content. If you are in a loving Christian marriage and looking to explore new ideas or discover shared interests that you’ve found difficult to discuss, you should take this quiz. It’s intended to serve as a starting point for a deeper conversation, helping to identify your boundaries without pushing them.
The quiz though is not suitable for everyone, this is why we provide terms to assess suitability before taking the quiz.
First do a quiz and select that you wish to review the questions. On the questions review page, remove the questions you wish to remove, and then towards the bottom click the “Save questions as a preset” button. You will then receive a link which you can then share with others.
The quiz questions are not going to suit everyone. There are so many different denominations and people from different cultural backgrounds, it’s not possible to please everyone. This may make some questions offensive to some people or distasteful to read (and to be honest, many of the questions make me raise my eyebrows as well)! However because the questions can be customised, you can simply remove the questions that you don’t like. If you think a question does not follow Godly/biblical principles, then please yes use the feedback form as this is one of my primary aims. My strategy with the questions is to be as broad and comprehensive as possible to therefore please as many tastes as possible, whilst staying within the confines of what is permissible.
There are proclaimed Christians who practice same sex marriage. I personally don’t share that belief and neither does my church and most Christian churches around the world. To avoid any controversies around this, I have thought it is best to not have this facility in the quiz.
Please read the privacy policy because it answers this in a lot greater detail.
The first thing to understand is that you are not alone, and even great Christian marriages go through challenging times. Firstly, we recommend getting in contact with a Christian marriage counsellor. We have compiled a list of our recommended counsellors here. You may also be interested in some books in our resources section.
Sex in the Christian context is a complex topic. People are unsure what the rules are. What can you say? What can you do? There’s a lot of mixed messages coupled with people from different denominations, cultural backgrounds and educations. The world tells us lots of good messages about sex, but in equal measure there are a lot of unhelpful messages as well. It can be difficult to find purely sourced information and ideas that have been properly vetted.
God has created us as highly sexual beings and has created marriage as an outlet for these desires. So for most of us, whether we like it or not, sex is a pretty integral part of our life and marriage. A healthy and satisfying sex life is not everything, but it sure can make things a lot easier and better for both partners.
Christians can have a lot of guilt and shame when it comes to sex, so it can make it difficult to discuss sexual matters with our partners. The irony is that communication is one of the most important pillars of a good sex life. So as Christians we are often approaching and practicing this topic with one hand tied behind our backs.
In the development of this tool, one thing that I learnt, and which surprised me, is that most Christian couples have some kind of sexual or intimacy issue. Some of these issues might include:
When it is spelled out like this, we can start to get a sense of how complex the dynamic is between sex and Christianity and how many people are impacted by this. So if this you, don’t worry, you are not alone and you are part of the majority. Therefore the need is very strong to minimise the impact of these issues or resolve them. Fortunately, there are heaps of great resources out there including blogs, books, podcasts, videos and a whole lot more which you can use to improve your marriage. Not to mention, there are some awesome highly skilled Christian counsellors and sex therapists that can also render assistance when needed. The Song of Songs Quiz aims to be another tool in the tool shed; it is meant to be complimented by other tools. It’s not trying to solve all problems. The online quiz format works really well to provide an instantaneous, reliable, neutral and discreet agent to exchange information.
The Song of Songs Quiz aims to destigmatise intimacy and sexual issues for couples and provide a foundation and safe place to start talking about what we like and how we can be better partners. But it can’t be stressed enough that sex is not the olympics, there’s no awards for how much you can do or how long you can last. It’s all about quality, being accommodating, communicating and listening, being respectful and having a servant heart. There are many very happy and healthy Christian marriages which might involve very “basic” physical acts that happen very infrequently when compared to your schedule, and that is totally healthy and normal. It is what works for each couple! Couples also go through all sorts of different and inevitable seasons in life based on physical and/or mental challenges thrown at them. So it is important to regularly check in with each other.
There are also Christians who have a very strong marriage and sex life but just need an intimacy/sexual check up every now and again. Or you might be looking for new ideas to spice things up in a way that is helpful and follows biblical principles. The Song of Songs Quiz is great for that as well!
The Song of Songs Quiz is not for everyone, it might not solve every issue, but it might be just what you need at just the right time.
One of the shortfalls of the website is because it tries to protect people’s identity so much, it also means from a user perspective it’s not as easy as it could be to use, particularly in regards to sharing and sending quizzes and results. Pending how many people use the quiz and how many donations I receive (because the infrastructure costs money), I might include the optional ability to send results and quizzes via Email and SMS.
If anyone is interested in writing blog articles about Christian marriage particularly around the topic of sex, then that would be really helpful!
Firstly, please pray for this tool that people will find it helpful and it will remain always a tool that treasures the sanctity of Christian marriage. Please share the quiz with people at your church – you can also use the share links in the footer of this website. The more people that do the quiz, the better the tool will become. Please also consider giving a donation, even if it is little, as this helps cover the hosting and domain charges for this free tool. This tool will always remain a not for profit venture. If the donations surpass my costs I will either remove the donations or forward the donations to a reputable Christian-based charity. Thank you in advance.
Well I am trying to keep that on the down low as much as I can but what I can say is, I am a Christian and I go to an Anglican Church. The approach, questions, concepts or anything else relating to this website is not necessarily a representation of my denomination, nor has it been endorsed by my denomination (nor have they been approached for endorsement).
A question related to this which gets asked every now and again is: are you a qualified Christian marriage counsellor or sex therapist or have any other fancy letters after your name?
Although I do have a couple of fancy letters after my name, I am just a mere website developer. But please give me a moment to build a strong case as to why I think that’s actually to the betterment of this tool.
Firstly, it must be stated that this tool doesn’t give anyone advice, and in numerous parts of the tool I push people to seek counsel if the tool raises issues that need to be worked through. In the FAQ question “What are the goals of the quiz?” I go through some of these issues and how the Song of Songs Quiz is just one tool in the toolshed. The tool has been designed with the feedback from Christian counsellors and sex therapists and some of these professionals use the tool to supplement their practice. This tool is not, and never will be, a replacement for professional counselling and advice.
But the main point I want to make is that Christian marriage counsellors don’t do things the same way! When developing this tool it became evident early on that counsellors have very different views on things and ways they approach things. If you have 10 Christian marriage counsellors and give them 10 identical clients, they will do things 10 different ways. They will probably all improve the state of the client, but how they get to that result will differ; and this is fine and expected. What I think would be worse is if this tool was developed by a single counsellor doing things their way or the highway or assuming their way is best practice. Instead, I have taken a democratic approach and taken advice from as many people as possible. I still seek this feedback constantly and promote feedback throughout the tool. By being a good listener, being willing to take on constructive feedback and synthesising data, this tool has been constantly improving upon this rich body of knowledge. I also want to thank everyone who has contributed feedback so far especially Monica from Reconceived.
